Being a mom requires more than just cleaning house, doing laundry and making dinner. Being a mom requires patience, hard work and the constant ability to be a role model. Having two daughters, I have been faced with challenges that I wasn’t prepared for. My oldest daughter is 9 and she struggles with low self confidence. She tends to get very nervous in new surroundings or when going to a new event. My 7 year old couldn’t be more opposite. She welcomes change; she thrives on new experiences and is always the life of the party.

I searched high and low on the internet and at book stores trying to find a good way to teach my daughter how to be self confident and how to deal with her anxiety issues. When suddenly, it dawned on me. I can show her how to be all these things. I can be the role model she needs to get past all these things. As a competitive NPC figure athlete, I spend countless hours prepping meals and training in the gym. But as my show date approaches, I often experience moments of weakness and self doubt. It’s almost inevitable that when you are going to put your physique on display to be judged and critiqued, you get overloaded with concern about if you will be good enough. How can I teach my daughter to be confident if I am not walking the walk myself?

I decided to write down the most important ways to become more confident and build up my self esteem. I figured that once I worked on myself, it would be easier to show her how to build hers. I am the first to admit to both my daughters when I need practice or if I need to learn how to do something. This gave me the perfect opportunity to show them that I am still learning and that this can be a learning experience that we work on together.

We decided to work on the following 6 steps to build self confidence and self esteem:

1. Write down small, attainable goals and work hard to complete them
2. Work hard
3. Be responsible for your actions
4. Listen to each other and support each other
5. Every once in a while, try something that we are afraid of. Even if we fail, we can learn from it
6.  Always practice unconditional love

I used my contest prep training as a way to show them how to touch on every step in our 6 step process.  First, I set a goal to compete in an NPC figure competition. Second, I let them know that this goal will require a lot of dedication and hard work on my part, but that I was going to accomplish it because I believed I could. Thirdly, I reminded them that I am always responsible for my actions. If I miss a workout or cheat on my plan, I would be held accountable for that. Fourth, I shared my goal with my close friends and family and requested they support my endeavors. Support from others is so beneficial when competing. The fifth step was a little hard for me because I don’t like to be out of my comfort zone, but I was reminded that this is part of the process and I can’t preach to my daughters if I’m not making the same sacrifices. Getting on stage and standing in front of a large audience of strangers is definitely a scaring thing to do. But I let them know that if I can conquer that fear just one time, it will become easier with each time I do it. Finally, I reminded them that throughout my prep, I may struggle. I may have setbacks or have a bad day but that if they practice unconditional love and support for me, I know that I will get through it.

I always thought that because my daughters were so young, they wouldn’t understand the concept of competing in a figure competition or the amount of work that goes into it. Boy was I wrong! Months after my show, they still are proud to tell their friends and classmates about what mommy accomplished. When my daughter was getting ready to dance at her first ballet recital, she was so nervous. I went to talk to her about it and then she said to me, “Mommy, I know it’s going to be ok. It’s just like when you got on stage at your show and we were there to scream for you.” It was at that moment that I realized that I really did become a role model for her and we accomplished was we set out to do. Her self confidence continues to build with new experiences, but it feels amazing to see that I can be her role model both on and (more importantly) off the stage.